10 THINGS THAT DRIVE ME NUTS

I feel the need to do a top ten today because yesterday I was driven to the brink of insanity. I really felt that I was being tested, why? Who knows, maybe the powers that be wanted to have a good laugh at my expense. I do hope I don’t offend anyone, these are just the things that drive me nuts and are my opinions and like opinions, everyone has one. I am going to do my top ten things that drive me nuts like David Letterman’s top ten. I will start at ten and work my way down to one.

10. WOMANS BATHROOMS: I hate with a passion going into a public restroom. I have come to find woman are the biggest pigs when it comes to using them. I will go into a stall and the previous occupant has either, A. sprayed all over the seat (Yo babes, they have disposable toilet seat covers for your use, USE THEM, if they have them!), B. Did not flush the toilet. Maybe your our proud of your accomplishment and didn’t want to flush your miracle away but really I don’t want to see it. Next time take a picture and scrapbook the sucker for prosperity sake, or C. Never fails when I have to go real bad, there is also someone who has decided to move into the stall and take up residence. I just want to scream to that new residence to move it along other people have to go! Makes me wonder, do these offenders do this at home?

9. LONG LINES AT THE STORE: Never fails, you are in the store and you only need one item so you go to the express lane. The express lane is either closed, the person in front of you has over a hundred items in their basket and are unable to read the fifteen item limit sign, or the cashier is having a bad day because her/his boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on them with their best friend and decides to take it out on you. The other thing I hate about long lines is when you have a lot of stuff to buy and they only have a few lanes open and it happens to be the busiest time of the day for the store. That one I can’t figure out, the manager of the store sees this but does nothing about it. I think it is all a ploy to keep you in the store longer so you might remember you forgot something and to leave the line to get it.

8. GETTING SCREWED AT THE DRIVE THRU: I am hungry and want something quick to eat so I hit the drive thru at one of the many fast food restaurants. Big mistake! I personally do not like ketchup, mayo, or cheese so I always order whatever I am eating without it. What do I get on my burger? Ketchup, mayo, and cheese after telling the drive thru attendant a million times I didn’t want it. I get to the point I feel I have to draw them a picture, I mean what is so hard to understand what NO means? I know the biggest problem with drive thrus’ is the people working there can’t speak english (another thing that drives me nuts and will be my next number), or they just don’t give a flying hoot what you want and you will get the burger the way they fix it, like it or not. Bite me! I want my burger my way and damn it I will have it, oh yes I will.

7. I NO SPEAK ENGLISH: My response to that would be “I no speak your language!” Granted we live in a country (USA) that is a melting pot of nationalities. But for the most part the language spoken here is english, like it or lump it that is what it is. In the past I worked in a medical office, never failed someone would come in our office and it would be in the early morning hours and I was the only one there and they couldn’t speak one word of english. This presented a lot of problems as you could tell. They wouldn’t be able to fill out the paperwork because along with not speaking the language they couldn’t read it either, they couldn’t let me know if they had allergies to any medications, again because they couldn’t read or speak the language, and they would get mad at me because I couldn’t read or speak their language. My feelings on this is, when you come to our country please at least attempt to learn the language, don’t assume everywhere you go there will be someone that can speak your language or bring someone with you that can translate for you. Hell, I wouldn’t go to France or Germany and expect them to know english! Common sense people!!

6. KNOW-IT-ALLS: Lets say you are an expert in your field or you do know a lot about something because you researched it, lived it, or had to deal with it. There will be always someone that knows more about it and they never lived it, researched, dealt with it, or were an expert in the field of it. You could talk until you are blue in the face with the “know-it-all” but they will always come back to you with it’s not true because Uncle Dingle Berry told them different and he knew everything because he was a hermit on Smoke Top mountain and he mediates everyday on life so his word is golden. Oh shut-up will you! Come on I know you want to say that to them and you also want to smack them upside their head in hopes that if they have any brain matter it might wake it up and they will see the light.

5. GAS PRICES: This one burns me. Today gas prices go up and down like a roller coaster for no apparent reason. You may hear in the news that because of the war, hurricanes, or stock market it causes the gas prices to go up. Well where I live none of those factors may come into play at that point in time; they just seem to be up one day and down the next. I personally believe it’s a conspiracy of the oil companies to price gauge us anyway they can. Funny how around traveling holidays the price goes up and then after the holiday it goes down.

4. SHARING THE ROADS WITH IDIOTS: Now I am not saying I am a perfect driver by any means and I do admit to making driving mistakes and I am sure I have pissed off a few of my fellow drivers out there. I am sure everyone at one point with driving have done it also, but there are offenders out there who make it a daily habit. The habitual offenders are the ones who, A. drive on the interstates or highways below the speed limit and do so in the left lane. GGGGGRRRRR!!! If you are going to drive below the speed limit then stay in the right lane, after all our tax dollars didn’t go into making the sign that says “SLOWER TRAFFIC STAY TO THE RIGHT” for scenerity sake. B. Talking on the cell phone while driving. If you can’t do two things at the same time then don’t do it. Your main focus should be on the road not talking to Buffy about the latest fashion craze sweeping the nation. And finally, C. Being lost. This one is very simple, if you are lost and don’t know where you are going then pull off the road and look at a map, if you can’t read a map then ask someone for help but pull the hell of the road! Do not stay on the road and hit the brake every time you come to an intersection in hopes that the direction fairy will tell you to turn here, it ain’t going to happen. People that are lost are a accident waiting to happen, so please pull off the friggin road!

3. TELEMARKETERS: I know people have to make a living and being a telemarketer is one way to do it but if I or anyone says no I am not interested then please stop reading your script and say thank you and goodbye. Do not keep pushing the sale on me I am not going to change my mind! I also believe in order to be a telemarketer you have to have the ability to be a mind reader. They always seem to know when to call at the worse time of the day. They will call you when you are eating, having a little whoopee, or when you are answering the call of nature, never fails they seem to know they have you. Doesn’t matter that I am on the do not call list, they will find a way around it and call you anyway. They are also very good at calling you again and again after you told them no the first time in hopes that you have change your mind and they have you at a weak point. I just wish they would leave me alone!!

2. PEOPLE THAT DON’T CALL YOU BACK: I just hate it when you call someone and you leave a message and then they don’t call you back. I understand they maybe busy and can’t get to you right away but if they just plain don’t call you back, that is rude! My time is just as important as your time so please call me back. I may have something very important to tell you, need advice, or I have just won the lottery and I want to split my winnings with you. Either way, call me back! I don’t want to have to keep calling you and harassing you until you get sick of me, there is a reason I am calling you, so please have the decency to call me back.

Finally the number one thing that drives me nuts is (drum role please)…………….

1. STUPID PEOPLE: They are everywhere! Just like Bill Engvall says, “Here’s your sign”; I too want to say that. Like when I am getting ready to get in to the car and someone will say, “Going somewhere?” I want to say, “No, I thought I just sit in my car for awhile because I have nothing better to do.” Or if I am wearing a Kevin Harvick T-shirt and someone asks me if I like Kevin Harvick, I want to tell them, “No, I can’t stand him that is why I am wearing a T-shirt with him on it because the colors of the shirt make my eyes seem bluer.” Yes, stupid people are everywhere and they just love to ask the most stupidest questions. I have come to learn that Ron White was so right when he said, “You can’t fix stupid, stupid is forever.” I just wish they would come up with an anti-stupid pill for people to take, think about all the people who wound not suffer from endless headaches due to stupid people. So please next time you see me doing something, think before you ask. I am sure if you pay attention it will be obvious what I am doing. Here’s your sign!