MOM

To say that my mom and I were close as I was growing up just wouldn’t be true. To be honest it was tough. We were like water and dirt, put them together and you got mud. There were times when I was growing up I wished that I had been adopted because sometimes I just couldn’t believe she was my real mom. It seemed to me at the time her main goal in life was to make my miserable and she did a pretty good job at it too. I was criticizes for how I looked, what I wore, and I would never make anything of myself. She made sure that I felt like I was going to be a complete failure in life. Carol Brady, she was not, my mom was more like Mommy Dearest on speed.

When I was a kid I wanted to run away because moms weren’t suppose to treat their kids like that. As a teenager I wanted to strangle her and tell her where to go. As an adult I have come to understand her and to be honest she still drives me nuts. I guess to an aspect all moms drive their kids nuts, moms after all do it so well. It took years for me to come to understand my mom and why she did the things she did to me and really it has taken me years to have respect for her. It really is funny how age can change your point of view on someone.

It wasn’t until I was an adult and had my first child that my mom and I really started talking; maybe she felt we finally had something in common with me being a mom. To me at that time I was starting to see a whole new side to her and what she had gone through in her life. For my mom being married to my dad wasn’t easy at first, he was an alcoholic and would often drain the bank account with his drinking. I am sure my mom was at her wit’s end with him at the time and it didn’t help that she had six kids to worry about either. Somehow though she always managed to make sure we were dress in good clothes, had plenty of food to eat, and made sure we had a roof over our head. She sacrificed a lot for us so that we were taken care of. Today I am amazed at how she did it.

Looking back I guess she took her frustrations out on me, she had told me many times I was just like my father and knowing what a hard time they had would explain her actions towards me. I have forgiven her for all that she did to me and she has told me she was sorry for treating me the way she did. I do feel sorry for my mom in one way today, some of my siblings won’t even give her the time of day and have written her out of their lives and that angers me. These siblings growing up got whatever they wanted from her and she bent over backwards to give it to them. To them I say grow-up, she never did to you what she did to me. I have come to truly respect my mom, something I never thought would happen.

She still to some respect criticizes me but I have come to learn she only wants the best for me. I am glad we are finally friends and have come to terms with each other. It has been a real long road for us. I see my mom today as a person who is trying to make amends with people in her life and herself. She showed me great strength when my father was dying and stayed with him until the end in spite of the problems they had and showed me her weaknesses, in essences she became human to me. I guess the greatest thing my mom taught me was forgiveness and for that I thank her.